So you guys know I’m crazy about Kris Carr now. Well she has these guided meditations and I tried out a sample during lunch this week.
Speaking of lunch, I had my normal salad and I ate it outside. I really am trying hard to take my full hour and also get outside for some vitamin D. Another thing I am doing is after lunch, I take my shoes off and get my bare feet in the dirt and grass. It is called grounding.
This is when I put my earbuds in and listed to Kris’s sample meditation. I loved it! And this is what I got out of it.
Ever since the very beginning of my cancer trek, I have wanted to get a double mastectomy and not just the single. This is a very common decision that many women make even if, like me, they have one breast that is disease free. It is so common now that insurance companies are denying this request and are not covering removing a disease free breast as there is no medical reason to do this. However, my insurance company will cover this. I do meet 2 of the very long list of criteria. (You only have to meet 1 and I meet 2)
- I have very dense breasts that make it very hard for mammograms to detect breast cancer.
- I also have one first cousin that had breast cancer before the age of 50.
I wanted a bilateral mastectomy (DMX) and no reconstruction. I even joined the Flat and Fabulous Facebook page to gain support from others that have chosen this route. Here were my reasons:
- I wanted to never have to worry about mammograms or MRIs again.
- I didn’t want to go through more invasive surgeries.
- I didn’t want something foreign inside me. (implants)
- I didn’t want to have to worry about replacing implants after 10 years.
- I thought it would be great to run and hike without a bra.
However, my hubby was very against this. He felt like I was “throwing the baby out with the bath water.” It hurt me that it mattered to him. I wanted him to be so in love with me that he only worried about my life and not what I would look like.
During meditation, I realized that Ron was in the denial phase when I first started talking about a DMX. Ron loves me unconditionally and I know this. This trek is not just one that I will go through. Ron is going to be right there with me all the way. I’m sure he is scared as well. Finances, time off work, the logistics of getting the surgery done away from home, all of these have to be just as taxing on him as they are on me.
I have let go of these negative feelings that I felt in the beginning. It is so critical that I harbor no negative emotions at all. As my BFF says, PMA all the way! (Positive Mental Attitude)
So here are my new reasons for going with only a unilateral mastectomy and DIEP reconstruction:
- I don’t plan for cancer to return anywhere in my body after surgery so there is no reason to take a healthy breast.
- The surgery will be easier for me to recover from as I’ll have full use of my right arm.
- Since I’m keeping the healthy breast, I’ll need some balance and symmetry. With DIEP I will have a permanent and natural reconstruction.
After this first mediation session, I visited with an old high school friend that is battling cancer. She confirmed that care givers go through many different stages of acceptance. Then last night I texted with another high school friend who is a 14 year survivor of breast cancer. She stressed that our thoughts and keeping them positive are the key to getting through this trek. In fact that was her only piece of advice she wanted to share with me at this point.
I’m not perfect and I have many moments of worry that continue to plague me. As I go forward this week, I’m going PMA all the way!
I pray this for you as well!